Stormy Night

I heard you calling through the rain 

My childhood bedroom screaming of my past mistakes

Eyes wide in the darkness

Was this all a mistake? 

A haunting game that could never cease? 

I ran far away to escape your face 

But turn the corner and there you appear

A ring on her finger

My biggest fear

I tell myself love isn't here anymore 

But that's all be a lie

A century since we've been together 

And you're still my stormy sky. 

Cheat

Hand on your hip

Bitten lip

Unsaid words 

Wasted time

Delusional girl 

Unfaithful boy

Broken alibis 

Common tale

Love or lust? 

Never mind the pain. 

Those Green Eyes

“How long are you going to keep doing this to yourself?” Jay said out of nowhere. My head turned to look at him above my tattered journal.

“Do what?” Did I say something earlier I forgot? I know I have a tendency to go into my own world but I can wake up enough when someone is talking to me. He stared me down like I had done something wrong.

“Keep living in this world without being in it.” Where was this coming from? The room was silent. He had shut off the TV and was just looking at me like a therapist with a patient.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” I tried to go back to my writing but his eyes kept boring into me. “What?” I snapped my head back to glare at him.

“You keep writing about these dreams and you ever wonder if they are trying to tell you something?” My stomach dropped a little. Maybe, he was right. I looked down at my writing again, it was gibberish, feelings and ideas all fumbled together like hieroglyphics. I looked back up at him and he relaxed his position. My eyes began to dart to the movement by the door. A shadow of a man came into the light.

“No…” My breath was becoming shallow. Jay didn’t blink or look behind him. He gave me a knowing look. The mans’ green eyes catching the light. This isn’t real. Please wake up, I stood up to run by my legs wouldn’t let me have an give.

“Mia…” He was stepping forward, my heart slamming against my ribs with every step. He reached for me and grazed my cheek with his index finger. His touch sending the same chills down my spine like it always used to. I tried to look at Jay for help but he became invested in his book again. My eyes shifted up to those green eyes that could disable me. A slow smile crept across his lips. “I’ve missed you.” He whispered as he leaned into my lips.

My whole body jerked upright in my moist and dissembled bed. My heart racing and tears streaming down my face. I looked around the room to make sure I was alone. I flicked on the lights and began to catch my breath. It was just a dream but I could still feel his touch and those eyes still on my skin.

“It was just a dream…” I continued to mutter as I lay eyes wide in my bed.

High

Silence

An empty flat

Blood still pumping

Heart racing

Ears ringing

Another night drifting away

A land you need to stay

Electricity feeding through your veins

A high that should never escape

But it falls

Like the snow

And melts before you can touch it

To lay in a cold bed, all alone

Let go of the smile

And say hello to morose.

No Control

Close your eyes

Slip away

Zip your dress down

I’ll do the same

I don’t need another name

You are all the same

Just another escape

Another release

Another moment to fade

In a moan

In a sigh

Fall from the night

Romance is a dirty word

Baby, right now it’s just you and I

No chances

No lies

Just a hungry for freedom

A new ending and a breath of relief.

Notting Hill Daydream

I can see it. I can see the house tucked between rows of multicolored houses that look exactly the same. The tiny front yard that holds an outdated mailbox. A line of cars from vintage to new BMW’s lining the streets next to perfectly trimmed trees. Breakfast on the table. The smell of pancakes and muffins wafting in the air. A cat and a dog lying on the front rug. A laptop open. New writing. A flutter in my growing stomach. Tiny footsteps running up and down the stairs. A husband rushing around the house chasing and searching. He gives me a quick kiss on the cheek as he passes. We try to clean. Mess all around. Beautiful mess. He’s smiling. He’s away from his normal routine. He’s home. We are a family. This is bliss. Chaotic bliss but the sad part is that none of this is true. It may well never be. Just another dream. A fantasy of a time much to far off.

Sold

The more she smiles, the more my heart clenches. She sees me for just a second and looks away. No eye contact. Forbidden. Her green eyes looking like I plunged a dagger deep into her. A camera flashing for a moment. We are not alone. Yet another question. Another lie. She can’t even hold it all in. I can’t either. What am I doing? She says she loves him. Another punch in the gut. I smile and nod. Just another game. Puppets with too many strings. Flash. Look this way. Flash. How’s the new love? Flash. How much will it take for this to end? Flash. I know how her mouth tastes. Flash. Who is the new guy? Flash.  Just a friend. Flash. Is this worth it? The flashing halts. Another time in the limelight. We are ushered. Pushed, into another round of sparring. Tick tock. Time is money. We are money. Nothing more. I sold my soul to the devil for a price of fame. Love is not on the itinerary.

The Ballad of Hailey and Blaine

“You know what, Hailey?” He stared at me with the same intense brown eyes that looked at me with love and hatred. “I’m not as strong as you. Despite every belief you have ever had. I’m not. I will never be. I crack every fucking minute of my life. Do you actually think I want to be this addicted to something so fucking numbing? Do you think I want to see that pain in your eyes every second I hold a bottle? Do you really believe that? I’m not what you want me to be. I am never going to be as great as you or live up to your expectations of me. So just leave. I know you want to. I’ve seen the luggage in the hallway. I’ve heard the late night calls to your friends. I get it. You can’t take it anymore. I’m not gonna blame you for it or I’m not going to blackmail you into staying. I love you more than I can stand and I wish I could do it for you but I’m not. Who knows? Maybe it’ll get worse and I’ll die and you’ll never have to deal with my problems again.” He caught what he had said and saw that I made a few steps forward. He instinctively tried to hold his hands above his face but I slapped him before he could. He just kept his head turned and we both stayed silent listening to the city traffic screaming to both sides of us. He turned and stared at me. I stared right back.

“I’m not as strong as you think I am.” Was all I could say as I began to walk away. I could feel him behind me hovering. He wanted to walk away but he needed to make sure I was safe. Stubborn fool. This was the last straw. I can’t take it anymore.

After following me twenty blocks, I finally reached Angie’s apartment. I slowly walked up the steps and turned slightly to see him at the bottom looking like a pathtic puppy.

“Go home, Blaine. I’ll get my stuff tomorrow.” I said as coldly as my voice could stand. He just stood tense barely moving his eyes away from mine.

“I’m sorry,” He said in the most heartfelt voice he could manage and for once it wasn’t enough.

One Step Closer to the Bell Jar

I’m your fly away muse

The light bulb in your dark

You’re my voice in the silence

The moon to my stars

But is the pain worth the art?

The broken bones

Bruises on the soul

Just another slit of the knife

And baby you’re all mine

I’m your Sylvia Plath

And you’re my ted Hughes

But should this end?

Or continue to inspire?

For years to come

Madness for beauty

Even if it ends with my head in an oven?

Shimmer

The sparkle and the shimmer

Flies past the night

Past the moment

Evaporating

A mist that one can never grasp

The melting snow

Burns the touch of the ice

The fresh water cleaning everything in its path

Peace and quiet on the souls

Charity and love coming forth

Even for a momentary glimpse

Content is the word that comes to mind

Beauty of the rising dawn

If only it could last forever